IN THE MEANTIME

What I realized about my own process is that in the season of waiting for compatibility, I’ve been tempted to fixate on my fixes to avoid thinking about the thing I’m missing. Obsessively working on myself was a distraction from feeling relationally empty. The better I became in all the different areas of my life, the more confident I became that my aloneness was self-imposed and not because there was something wrong with me. There was a part of me that needed to continue to become the best person I’ve ever been to mitigate the sting of a season of singleness I didn’t yet understand.

Kimolee ErynMarch 19, 2023Comment

ON THE REBOUND

Who are we when we’ve experienced some sort of emotional shift? When we learn that someone isn’t a good fit for us, it causes a reaction whether mental or emotional. Even if that reaction is as small as a subtle disappointment that you’re back in a position to continue your search or your wait for that one. What good does it do to take that shaken (or stirred) disposition to follow through, recover, run it back and try again? From that state of mind and heart posture, you’re bound to come up with another brick.

Kimolee ErynMarch 12, 2023Comment

THE WAITING

The thing about it all is, if we never give ourselves a chance to experience something new, we have no alternative information to test our process against. After 4+ years of abstaining, 4+ years of shifting the way I process attraction, and 4+ years of mental, emotional, and spiritual growth, it makes the way I did things before feel ridiculous to the tune of "how did I not know better?" There’s grace for that, but there’s also a relief that comes with…

Kimolee ErynMarch 8, 2023Comment

VISION

it’s mostly the vision of what I want that stems from who I’m becoming, what I’m meant to do, and the kind of partnership that covers each area of the things that are immovable for me. Here are a few examples of some of my identifiers and the breakdown of how it impacts my vision:

Kimolee ErynMarch 6, 2023Comment

ALIGNMENT

A lot of us have gone through the I’d rather have someone than be alone, phase. For far too many of us, it wasn’t a phase at all but a place we got stuck because our thoughts on the matter never evolved beyond the pacification of our physical desires.

Kimolee ErynFebruary 19, 2023Comment

Good Grief

I would rather feel the strain of tip-toeing around my interest in dating, avoiding the premature closeness that was once so appealing to me, than position myself in the line of fire of mismatched romance that would leave me alone to pick the shrapnel from my heart later.

Kimolee ErynFebruary 12, 2023Comment

WHAT IS IT WORTH?

Further, where should I put all the other features that you didn’t need and don’t want, that I’ve worked hard to have because I need them to be the overall version of myself that I am?— the version that you appear to like. There's a deep dive here that we'll get into at a later date.

Kimolee ErynFebruary 5, 2023Comment

IDENTITY

The bouts of identity crises felt the same as the onset of food poisoning. It would come so quickly after some award was received or some project was complete. There was that lift from accomplishment that should have filled me. There was no way I should’ve felt hungry right after that— or empty, rather.

Kimolee ErynJanuary 29, 2023Comment

CHANGING OF THE GUARD

“Just As I Am’ by Cicely Tyson, “Finding Me” by Viola Davis, “I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jennette McCurdy, to name a few, has highlighted the idea that many women are completely unprepared for their first romantic encounters — regardless of how early or late in their lives it comes.

Kimolee ErynJanuary 22, 2023Comment

Inventory

There came a time when I saw how my patterns would blur together in a mess of emotional instability when the same thoughts that tempted me turned on me in judgement. When those memories of moments that consisted of just living became the base ingredient for bouts of anxiety pertaining to my hopes for love and depression regarding my past love lives.

Kimolee ErynJanuary 15, 2023Comment

BACK AT ONE

It feels like a waft of preemptive shame and/ or guilt. Preemptive because it feels like it’s a response to a hope that you’ve allowed yourself to acknowledge. The truth is, though, that you can’t pre-date shame. We accept it, but it’s not our futures that we’re ashamed of, it’s the thought that with who we’ve been and what we’ve done, we have the nerve to hope to be different.

Kimolee ErynJanuary 8, 2023Comment

One is a whole number

It isn’t and we don’t need the media to tell us that. It’s something we have to tell ourselves and allow ourselves to believe just long enough to get to know ourselves as individuals, figure out what direction we want for our lives, decide what kind of person is conducive to that vision and wait for them to cross our paths before we pursue anything.

Kimolee ErynJanuary 1, 2023Comment

Single Ladies' Devotional

I wasn’t prepared for that day but it definitely came. At first, it was jarring. To be honest, even once I accepted it, it was still jarring but I (reluctantly) faced it. The contents of Single Ladies’ Bucket List the novel(s) and this devotional are what I learned from this phase of the journey. There’s always more to the journey but I choose to believe, even from here at what feels like just the beginning, that it gets better.

Kimolee ErynJanuary 1, 2023single ladies, devotional, journey, community Comments