ON THE REBOUND
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it”
Random fact. I played basketball in middle school and I wasn’t very good. I never gave myself the chance to become better because I only played that one season but the main reason why I didn’t continue playing basketball after 8th grade was that I was small, I knew I was small, and I felt it every single time I stepped foot on the court with girls who were so much bigger than me. I could drive a decent layup if no one was guarding me and I was great on defense but some of the things coach asked me to do felt impossible for a girl my size— and specifically for me.
One of the instructions we were given was to follow up on our shots. That way, if we missed, we’d be in a position to rebound. This never sat right with me because I needed time to process the missed shot. I needed to hang back and watch what happened with it in order to assess my next steps. That didn’t work for her, reasonably so.
This is the significance of practice. In a controlled setting, practicing your shots enough to get a good sense of the position on the court that you shoot best from and to find the form and follow through that works for you allows you to be a little more fluid in the moment. The time you spent in training is what you use in real-time, fast-paced games. I didn’t have the local court to practice on so my only practice came directly after dismissal in the gym at Quirk Middle School. I also didn’t have a love for the game that would push me to do everything in my power to get as much time in as possible. I played to get out of the house a little bit longer.
I’ve never felt my best on the rebound. It’s a transitional space that requires too much focus on too many moving pieces and my focus has always been better suited for one thing at a time until I developed a sturdy understanding of that thing and then felt comfortable adding another thing, thus layering my focus.
The same is true for those transitional moments between connections whether they developed into full relationships or didn’t grow past the vetting stage. There’s so much to process between connections that it feels almost impossible to follow your shot, recover the proverbial ball, run it back, and try again —not right away. Basketball is a timed game. Relationships have a little more room to work and have a lot more on the line than championships.
Who are we when we’ve experienced some sort of emotional shift? When we learn that someone isn’t a good fit for us, it causes a reaction whether mental or emotional. Even if that reaction is as small as a subtle disappointment that you’re back in a position to continue your search or your wait for that one. What good does it do to take that shaken (or stirred) disposition to follow through, recover, run it back and try again? From that state of mind and heart posture, you’re bound to come up with another brick. Even more, if you happen to realize that you don’t like the kind of people you’ve been attracting or accepting attraction from, would it not suit you better to grow from the space you’re in before you get back out there?
You’re not the final version of yourself yet. There is no final version until you take your last breath. Everything in between allows for change, even if that change isn’t growth. Change is inevitable, growth is intentional. The changes that come as a result of that intentional growth allow you to see from different perspectives. It allows you to be different, accept different, and desire different things. As a result, you’ll find yourself making more meaningful connections —connections that you don’t feel the need to force to become any one thing. When you allow connections to grow organically, you’re better able to exercise relational intelligence. You’ll be better able to decide which connections have the capacity to grow into deeper intimacy when you allow yourself to become new before you go looking again.
PRAYER
Lord, I thank you that the situations I’ve forced myself into haven’t been the end of me. I know I’ve closed my eyes to the things I’ve done as if it allows me any deniability with how self-destructive my choices have been. Forgive me for every sin I’ve committed against myself and the person you’ve made me to be. Help me to open my eyes to the process of intentional growth you want for me. Help me to feel all that I need to feel to provoke my growth. Help me to embrace the self-discipline that you’ve made available to me through your Spirit. Help me to rest my heart from the rush it’s been in to connect and give me pause so that I can heal from all that’s happened and prepare myself for the better that you have in store for me. Create in me a pure heart, Lord, and renew a right spirit within me. I thank you that I’m made new. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
REFLECT
Take a moment to think honestly about who you’ve been on the rebound. What are some of the thoughts, emotions turned traits that come with rushing from one connection to the next? In your moments of emotional sobriety, how do you feel about yourself in those moments when you rushed to be filled? What actionable steps can you take to shift from that state of being to one more aligned with the plan and purpose God has for you?