February [6] 2017 - In the moment

I've reassigned meaning to moments you weren't apart of.
In retrospect, I wish you were there, to
wrap my minutes in the silk of your soft spoken, bass filled words.
It's been a minute since I've melted in a moment of,
comfortable silences and intentional stares.
I've reassigned heart ache to fill moments void of you.
I reassigned blame fueled with "where have you been all my life"
and why aren't you here now,
half hoping to feel more connected and half wishing to forget
that I haven't felt you in a while.
I've written you many poems in the moments
when I'd feel your absence most deeply
half wanting you to read me
but hoping you'd never see me again.
Because if our love never begins
I'll never have to know that I could ever lose you
in the moments when I'm not enough
to fill the emptiness in you.