Dear Someone Who I Would Never Admit This To,
I will admit I think about you everyday. The distance that you keep between us is part of what draws me in more. And what does that say about me? That my idea of "love" is someone ignoring me. How broken am I. I can't call it love. Because I don't even know what that is. I never need anyone. I can't call it lust because it burns slower. But I am used people disappearing. So I cope with it ok. And yes I know that isn't healthy. I'm too old for this shit. Anyways, I can't survive with keeping anyone in the forefront of my mind. That is a complete danger zone. I can't find the time or patience to even try to love anyone after that last excursion or whatever tf you want to call that mess. I'm still practicing loving myself. Can I be anymore cliche? Who am I these days... I think in a way you are wired like me. But how would I really know because you keep me in the dark. I don't even really know who you are. More of a figment than a reality. "Emotions" don't lie, I guess. But I'm not even sure why I'm saying all this, because you don't care. Im just purging. You are probably just bored af reading this. And if you had any doubt that I'm really crazy, I've probably confirmed the fact that Im completely crazy. I know you secretly love it tho... but Another assumption. I guess since this letter is already creepy af...I'll keep it going. That's what I'm good at.
Um it kinda seems that you have a darkness inside you. I mean we all do. But the fact that I can see that means I should run for the hills. Ignoring red flags has never been beneficial to me. Well technically I am running for the hills, because I'm sure not chasing yo ass. That's why I'm writing you this intense letter. Because I'd never say any of this to you. You have taught me that my words don't mean a thing...ever. So I just stop talking. What's worse is that I'm not even disappointed because I expect this. Talk about low standards lol. Now and then you throw in some smooth words that make me feel otherwise. But it's all fake. Not much about anything between me and you is real. Maybe I just want them to be. Honestly what am I even saying? If you got close to me and was vulnerable or whatever, I would eventually reject you completely and we would still be in the same spot we are in now. Which is nothingness, that I somehow keep a small bit of somethingness from. So I guess I should really thank you for not giving me the time of the day, because I'd ruin it anyways? Thank you. Guess I'll never know. Anyways if you ever confront me about this letter I will act like I have no idea what you're talking about. I have a soulless, nonchalant, I hate everyone image to uphold. So my best advice is to burn after reading.
When I Can't Deal With Things I Avoid Them
Kimolee Eryn is an artist and writer who believes in creating for a purpose beyond the purpose of creating. She believes that a life should be lived not just to sustain itself but to cultivate peace, love and growth in all adjacent beings and hopes to exemplify that in all she does.