30 IS THE NEW 20

At 26, I spent all my spare resources from my same minimum wage job on creating my first short film — still not knowing if something more could come of it. At 27 I moved out again and wrote my first book, while still working my minimum wage job. My apartment was cheap but so was my pay and my art suffered for all the money I couldn’t put into it even though I finally knew it was the direction I wanted to go and feeling like it was possible.

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Kimolee ErynComment
HEIRLOOM

I finally found a compelling place to pivot. When I began, it was almost as if it were my rite of passage to mystically descend into existential chaos. Maya Angelou spoke highly of journeying with the support of her ancestors, “coming as one but standing as 10,000”. I’ve waded in the solace of the imagery of the generations that sired me, stationed at my flank, ready to go to war with me. Yet, for me, the spirits of my 10,000 stood opposite me, barring the path to my desire for more.

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Kimolee ErynComment
FILL IN THE GAPS

The reason we don’t feel like we’re being blessed is because there are holes in our vessels. Pour water into your hands and it will inevitably slip through the spaces of your fingers. God wants to mend the holes in your life so that when he sends your blessings to you, you’ll be whole enough that they won’t slip through your fingers. 

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Kimolee ErynComment
THE LOVE YOU KNOW

When it comes to the fight of our lives, the fight for our minds, our peace, our stability, there is no perfect plan. We all need love to get us through. We all want a love that can save us but when life is short and reciprocity isn’t guaranteed, it’s better the love you know than the love you don’t. Love can save us all, we just have to be willing to accept that the love that’s right in front of our faces, the love that’s good for us won’t always be that romantic, intimate kind of love. Sometimes it’s just family, just friends, just you, but there’s beauty in that.

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Kimolee Eryn Comments
BEFORE IT GETS BAD AGAIN

At some point I found myself alone in the living room. Basking in my completeness when it hit me. “Things feel good right now, it’s a good time to end it, you know… before it gets bad again.” The was no clear trigger aside from a moment of me taking inventory of my peace. Peace is a trigger?! This was new. Like clockwork, memories of all of my latest run-ins with stress, worry, anxiety, fear and loneliness came sauntering into the open field of my once rested mind, reminding me of all that could go wrong again.

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CELIBATE: YEAR 2- KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

I didn’t stop being celibate, though there were moments I had to ask myself what the point was in all that I was forcing myself to endure ‒ and yes, there did come a point (several in fact) when it no longer felt like a choice that I made but like a punishment that I had to endure for an indefinite period of time. That point was accompanied by all the strength I felt from reclaiming my power thinning out and I hung on by a fairly loose thread to the remnants of my regained virtues.

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CELIBATE: THE BOTTOM LINE

Physically, in my own journey, it was a bit difficult to start. I mentioned that I was in a relationship when I began. What made it easier for me was that the sex was subpar and that the relationship was long distance. Once that relationship ended, it continued to be easy as there was no one expressing interest that I was mutually interested in and I refused to back track and become involved with anyone from my past. It did become a task staying focused on my end goal when someone I had been interested in for a while expressed similar interest.

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Kimolee ErynComment
CELIBATE: 1 YEAR AND COUNTING

I knew enough about myself to know what I did and didn’t want on the surface but the more I leveled up in my personal growth the more things changed and the more standards I had.  Realizing this let me know that I needed to either set my standards to what would fit the person I was growing into or just wait until I got there to go back to “dating”.

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CONFESSIONS OF A CONNECTICUT CREATIVE

It really has your emotions all over the place sometimes and it's important to be in tune with yourself enough so that you can differentiate your moods and traits from those caused by your creative frustrations.  I spent this entire past week trying to lift myself out of an exhausted funk and while I tried to create through the feelings, I wasn't satisfied.  It was important to not accredit the lows I was feeling to my art although I was tempted to.

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